Mental health score today: 5/10
Wasted thoughts about Narcissist Dominic: Non stop
I’m just back from mediation. Normally I would be feeling on cloud 9. I really enjoyed myself while I was there and forgot about Narcissist Dom for the hour, but as soon as I was back home, I’m thinking of him again. Today was the day he had rebooked our Les Mis tickets for and I kept willing the phone to ring which it can’t because I’ve blocked him. I also kept willing him to email or message me. I wonder if he is thinking of me at all? We would be sitting in the theatre right now if we were still together. I wonder if I made a mistake and he isn’t a narcissist after all. But of course he is!
Back to reality and the fourth chapter of the Tudor book. It’s all about financial commitment. Tudor says that a narcissist is a disaster in terms of money. I’m not great with money myself to be honest. Then again, I am the same narcissist score as a celebrity narcissist. Does this mean Dom would be worse than me? OMG. What a pair we would make!
Dom was generous and took me out and treated me – this of course aligned with my pre-Dom shallow and screwed values. The Tudor books suggests that Dom’s generosity was another example of love-bombing trickery, to seduce me. Then once I was finally committed to him, it would be me paying for everything and he would bleed me dry financially. I loved Dom so much that I would have said YES to anything he suggested.
Tudor, as a narcissist himself, recognises that he has no boundaries. I don’t think Dom has either. I’m sure it wouldn’t have been long before Dom was emotionally blackmailing me for money.
Tudor says that narcissists always walk away from carnage they create. Dom always used to say that he didn’t want to land me with his carnage! Tudor ends the chapter by reminding readers that he is a pathological liar and there is no guilt in deceiving me – narcissists revel in making their victims dance for them. Dom was a compulsive liar. So this answers the question I asked at the start of this blog. Is Dom thinking of me at all? Probably not. I need to switch the light on and fill my life with reality and positiveness. Thank the Lord that I escaped Dom’s narcissist abuse fairly early on in our relationship.
At the moment I feel that I will never heal my broken heart. I feel I will never trust another man again. Ho hum. Onwards and upwards. Tomorrow is a new day.
Ba