Mental health score today: 8/10
Wasted thoughts about Narcissist Dominic: 1
So the next Chapter in Tudor’s book, is don’t rush into commitment. You will see from my book that after one month that I cleared my wardrobe out for Dom! This chapter actually made me think how lucky I am because the relationship ended before I became financially entwined with Dom.
I feel embarrassed that I was so excited that Dom wanted to move in. Why was I was so happy when I’ve been so scared of commitment with any man before? Maybe its because my values and self esteem were so screwed that I based my value on Dom’s actions towards me.
The meditation talk on Sunday was about Karma. Basically the Brahma Kumaris’ belief is that if bad luck is happening to you right now, it’s because your spiritual account is in the red. I can’t recall having done anything that bad to deserve being a narcissist victim. The practitioner said, that our spiritual bank account maybe in the red from previous births (they believe we are reborn). If we complain about our treatment, then our account will go further into the red. Therefore, I am to send Dom blessings. Boy, this is one huge test!
Only one more bit of bad news. Until now, I have been meditating in bed before I went to sleep each night; I was playing my mediation tapes and falling asleep to them thinking that my brain would still absorb the wise spiritual voices. But alas no! Our meditation practitioner shared that it’s best to shower and be fully awake to get the most from meditation.
Back to the narcissist, I honestly feel blessed now that the relationship didn’t go further although I still miss him dreadfully. I’m still slightly in denial that it was all a pack of lies. Will I ever recover from that? If anyone is reading out there, and you have been through this too, I hope it does get better. Please share …