Mental health score today: 8/10
Wasted thoughts about Narcissist Dominic: 2
Today I was right on track for forgetting about Dom. Then one tiny little thing sparks a memory and I get hundreds of wasted thoughts all day. So I was fine up until 3pm, cracking on with work, being creative. As I had been working since 7.30am, I decided to call it a day at 3.30pm and headed to the gym. I checked Facebook and noticed a mutual connect of Dom’s wife and mine had tagged me into a post about surplus belly fat.
My mind spiralled out of control with thoughts. This man I’d never even met, but knew through a friend, had never tagged me into anything before, but decided to tag me into this horrible post. Why? Had Dom’s wife sussed out we had a mutual connection? She had blocked me after I confided in her about Dom and I’s affair on Good Friday. Or was this a complete coincidence? Anyway, I immediately blocked this person, just in case.
Whatever, the cause, my positive day went downhill for about an hour. Once I was working out, the endorphins started kicking in and all was fine. I did drink tonight though – was that my stress coming out? Or maybe it was because it was a hot sunny day and the first time I had sat out on my back balcony this year. Maybe a mix of both.
Going back to Tudor’s book. Chapter 5 is all about narcissists integrating with networks. It’s when I read this that I started having more doubts about whether Dom was a narcissist after all. He was never interested my networks. Whenever I shared news about my friends, he said they were beneath him and made me feel silly for thinking they were important enough to discuss. I guess narcissists may vary slightly in their approach. Or maybe I had a lucky escape! The one time Dom met my friends on his birthday night out, once again, he was quite rude, cutting me and them off mid-flow when we were talking. Maybe I will get to this chapter later in Tudor’s book.
The lady who alerted me to Dom’s narcissistic ways contacted me today. I mentioned the date I had been on – remember in an earlier blog I mentioned the date who was recovering from a narcissist and had lost everything? My friend warned me to be careful about mentioning my story to dates incase they mirror me. On this occasion, my date mentioned it before me which is why I confided in him too. However, this started me worrying about whether this date was also a narcissist.
I think I am going to come off dating sites for now. I’m still hurt, my heart is broken, but most importantly, I don’t think I will ever trust another man again. How will I be able to tell if a compliment is real? Anyway, what man wants to meet a woman with my emotional baggage?